Valentine's Day is Over and So is the Love....

Valentine's Day has come and gone...and it has left me with a question. Why is it that so many people hate Valentine's Day? And I know...it's a day of love, and not everyone has one, but I still don't understand why. This was my first Valentine's Day with someone as my Valentine, but I still never hated it. I mean, I always celebrated it dressed in pink for classes. And here at university, a friend asked me...why are so many people wearing pink? Well, it's Valentine's Day and that's just what people do...or at least in my high school they did. But anyways, let me get to the heart of this whole thing.

So I know that I said that I was very much in love with my boyfriend, but now I'm beginning to wonder if I really am. Or If I say I love him just for the sake of it because he loves me. We've been dating for almost 5 months now, and he's Nigerian as well. He actually caught me at a time when I did not want a relationship, but now I come to think about it, do I really even want one now? So we go to school 2 hours away from each other, he's 24 and I'm 18...big difference sort of. He also has the whole idea that we will get married and stuff. Which I don't even want to talk about, because when he starts saying "can you teach our daughter to be just like you?" that really creeps me out.

I haven't seen him in more than two months now, and we talk on the phone. But it's just beginning to feel like we just play phone tag on the phone. Like I call him, he doesn't answer so I leave a message. He calls me I don't get a chance to answer and then it continues like that for maybe a day, then we talk on the phone for a bit and then something comes up, he says he'll call me back. And then a day or two maybe a whole weekend goes by, he doesn't call. So then I call him and that phone tag thing happens all over again. I'm really just frustrated at times with the whole thing because I don't feel like I have a boyfriend. And he's my first real boyfriend and it's just not the way I would ever see it happening. And the fact that I feel like it's something I can't tell my parents because they would not approve, I mean, he's not even financially stable, doesn't have a steady job and is only 2 years ahead of me in university. It's a disaster waiting to happen. And he got mad at me because I told him how it was his fault that he got a parking ticket...does that seem fair to you? I told my friends about it, and they said that he's crazy and I should dumb him. But at the same time, I don't want to dump him because it would hurt his feelings.

But I'm beginning to realize, that I should begin to think about my feelings. I need to love myself properly and focus on my school and my dreams of becoming a doctor and let things fall as they may. I want to be able to enjoy my university life, and not feel like I'm being tied down to this guy who even though he says he loves me, it doesn't feel like it. And did I mention that what he gave me for Valentine's Day was a text message? Haha...hmm, I didn't even really think about that until just now. Well, it's not like that's why. But I've tried breaking up with him before and it just doesn't work. Like I'll say it, and he'll be so hurt and I feel bad so I take him back. But no more...I'm thinking about me this time, and I will seriously break it off. I don't want any male attention like that anymore...for a while.

And did I happen to mention that I was at the club with some friends about 3 weeks ago and I met this guy, turns out to be 35. Desperate times called for desperate measures at that point, and my friends left me hanging at the club. No cash for a cab...and I got a ride back to school with this guy. Bad idea...not only did I not hear the end of it from my friends, but this guy just does not stop bothering me. Calling like he's trying to be interested in my life. This guy is a black-american might I add. So today he's telling me how Black-American's feel that Africans look down on them So then I said, maybe that's because they look down on us. And he's like...no we don't look down on you all, that's because the media portrays it that way. So I'm just thinking like, whatever. I don't know why I'm talking to this guy, he's just weird. I told him that I was 17 as a joke, but since he believed it and continues to talk to me, I was just going to play along. But anyone would think that there is something wrong with a 35 year old talking to a 17 year old. And he's like actually trying to have a relationship. I seriously get myself into some really dumb situations sometimes. But at least my friends know about it...actually, we're kind of using him in a way lol. But honestly, I think he deserves it for talking to underage girls. Usage in terms of rides and alcohol...I personally don't drink, but he got it for some friends. And now that we have upperclassman friends that are legitimately now over 21, don't need him anymore. I seriously am torn between feeling awful about it because in a way he doesn't deserve that...but I seriously think he might. He's told me that he's taken the virginity of girls like 16, 17, 18....somebody like him should probably be reported to the cops. But yeah, I'm about to block his number once I figure out how to do that. This whole thing...is not me.

And my friends are heading out to the club today because there's this strip thing going on tonight. Yeah...male strippers. I went with them one time because it was a friend's birthday, but there is no way I'm going tonight. It's just not me, it's like I feel myself changing. University is about changing...but not like this. Like the last time I went...thank goodness they didn't strip all the way down. But like they would come into the crowd, and there were probably about like 30 people in total, and when they would come near me, I would run behind a friend. Like...I don't know what these people have. It was great to watch my friends and all, but not around me. No way... And I was talking to another Nigerian friend and told her about it, and she was like what would you're parents think. And that's it...what would they think??? I really think I should be ashamed, okay I am ashamed...but what's done is done. The only thing that I can do is change my tomorrow, and today for that matter by not going out tonight.

I think my teenage experimenting is over...like I hadn't even kissed a guy before I came to university, and now a strip club...well it's not a strip club, they only do that once a month in a separate room, but yeah. I'm done for real. Okay, so I never really went wild either. My friends always tell me that I don't go out and that I need to go out more. But I don't mind going out...I like trips to the mall, movies, hanging out in the dorms, chilling, but I don't want to go clubbing all the time. I'm not really a clubbing person. I've probably gone about 5 times ever since I started university in August...and that's enough to last me for the rest of my school years. Like I don't plan on becoming some sort of bookwork or anything. I still plan on excitement.

But if I've learned anything...don't do things you're not comfortable with, love yourself, and well...continue to read my blog to know what else I learn lol. I'm not a bad girl though, please don't get that impression of me, I'm really not. I like to think of myself as being in the process of learning what I want. So I'll tell you how it goes on my road to being single lol.

But since that was kind of a heavy subject...time for another drum roll please...:

LAUGH OF THE DAY!!!! LOL

This clip comes to you from one of the best British comedies ever, Three Non-Blondes. Love this show. She goes in trying to buy a house for her family...and just watch as the craziness unfolds!!!



Well...I'm off to get ready for class now. Until my next post, I'm off.